A safety plan is a set of small, practical preparations you make in advance, so that if a day comes when you need to act quickly, you are not trying to decide everything at once. It is not a commitment to leave. People make safety plans while they are staying, while they are deciding, and while they are getting ready to go.

If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. For advice and support about violence or abuse, at any hour, the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline is 1800 777 0000.

Why a plan matters, especially around leaving

Abuse is usually about control rather than temper, and the point at which control is threatened is the point at which risk tends to rise. Support services around the world treat the period around separation, and the weeks after, as the most dangerous time. That is not a reason to stay. It is the reason that leaving is worth planning rather than improvising, and why the plan should include the days after, not just the moment of walking out.

It also matters because crises destroy your ability to think. When something is happening, you will not remember which drawer the passports are in or which neighbour is home. A plan puts those decisions on the other side of the crisis, made calmly, in advance.

Read what follows as a menu, not a checklist. Take the parts that fit your situation. You know things about your household that no general guide does, and where your judgement says something in here would raise suspicion or increase risk, trust your judgement.

Preparing quietly

The goal is to be able to leave with what you need in a few minutes, without having made any change that is visible in the meantime.

Documents. The ones that matter most are NRIC, passports, birth certificates, the marriage certificate, bank cards and bank details, medical cards, prescriptions, work permits or immigration documents, and the same set for your children. Photographs of documents on a phone, or scans in an email account only you can access, are often safer than moving the originals: an empty document folder is noticed, a photograph is not.

Where to keep things. If there is somewhere in your home you can keep a small bag that is not searched, use it. Many people find it safer to leave a bag with someone they trust, such as a family member, a friend or a colleague, or at work, rather than in the house at all. Split it if that helps: documents with one person, clothes with another.

Money. Some cash you can reach without a card, kept somewhere separate, matters more than the amount. If you can put small sums aside gradually without it showing, do. If your accounts are monitored or you have no independent account, note that and raise it when you speak to a helpline or a lawyer; there are ways to work around it.

Medication and essentials. A few days of any medication you or your children need, spare glasses, a spare set of keys, and phone chargers. Small things become urgent quickly.

Your phone. Keep it charged. Know where the nearest charger is that is not in a shared bedroom. If you have an old phone, a charged prepaid handset kept with your bag or with a friend is a useful backup.

Digital safety

Phones, shared accounts and family plans leak more than most people realise, and this is where safety plans most often come undone.

  • Location sharing: check what is switched on in your phone’s settings, in maps apps, and in family or child-tracking apps. Shared calendars and photo albums can also reveal location.
  • Shared accounts: an email, cloud, streaming or mobile account signed in on someone else’s device may show your messages, contacts or search history.
  • Devices in the home: laptops, tablets and smart home devices may be linked to an account you do not control.
  • Bank and card alerts: a notification of a withdrawal or a purchase can reveal where you are.

The important caution: changing these settings can itself be a warning sign. If location sharing suddenly stops, or a password changes, or a browser history is unusually empty, that can be noticed and can provoke exactly the reaction you are avoiding. Clearing your history is only safer if clearing it is normal for you.

The safest approach is usually to leave your own devices as they are and do your searching, calling and planning on a device that is not linked to your household, such as a work computer, a phone belonging to someone you trust, or a public library computer. Where you do change a setting, think first about whether the change would be visible, and consider making it at a point where a change is explainable.

A code word and a person

Choose one or two people you trust completely, tell them as much as you feel able to, and agree a code word, a short ordinary phrase in a text or a call that means “I need help now” or “call the police”. Ordinary is the point: a message about a dropped umbrella or a dentist appointment reads as nothing to anyone else.

Agree in advance what they will do when they receive it. Come round? Call you with a pretext? Call the police? Take your children? A code word without an agreed response is only half a plan.

If you have children who are old enough, some parents agree a simple word with them too, one that means go to a neighbour, or go to your room and stay there. Frame it in terms of what they should do, not what is happening, and keep it simple enough to remember when frightened.

Safe rooms, exits and the house itself

Walk through your home in your head and answer three questions. Which rooms have a way out and something to lock? Which rooms would you avoid, such as kitchens, bathrooms and anywhere with hard surfaces, glass or objects that could be used as weapons? And which way would you actually go?

Then make the practical arrangements: keys and phone somewhere you can grab them on the way past rather than in a bedroom; shoes near the door; the lift and stairwell routes both in mind; a neighbour’s door you could reach. If you drive, park facing out where you can.

If an argument starts to escalate, moving towards a room with an exit, rather than away into a corner, is the single most useful habit. This is about position, not confrontation. Nothing in this article suggests standing your ground, arguing back or telling the other person you are planning anything. Your safety is more important than being understood.

Children

Children are part of the plan whether or not you have told them anything. Practical steps that help:

  • Teach them how to call 999, what to say, and your home address. Make it matter-of-fact.
  • Agree where they go, whether a bedroom, a neighbour or downstairs, and that they should not try to intervene.
  • Keep their documents, medication and one comfort item with your bag.
  • If it is safe to do so, tell the school or childcare centre who is permitted to collect them, and tell them in writing. Schools will follow a court order if there is one; ask what they need.
  • Think about routines that are predictable to someone else, such as the same route at the same time, and whether they can be varied.

Do not ask children to keep secrets or to gather information. It puts them in an impossible position and can put them at risk.

In an emergency

Call 999. If you cannot speak safely, calling still creates a record and a response. Give the address first, then what is happening.

If you are hurt, get medical attention and tell the doctor how the injury happened, so it goes into the medical record. Those records are among the strongest evidence there is, and you do not have to decide today whether you will ever use them.

Afterwards, if you can, note the date, time and what happened. Keep that note somewhere the other person cannot see it: a private email to yourself, a note in an account they do not have, or with the person you trust. Photograph injuries and damage with dates if it is safe to do so. Keep threatening messages rather than deleting them, if keeping them is safe.

Nothing here requires you to make a police report before you are ready. But if you ever want a protection order, contemporaneous notes and medical records are what turn your account into evidence.

The Women’s Charter provides protection against family violence, and applications are made to the Family Justice Courts.

A Personal Protection Order restrains a family member from committing family violence against you, and can be extended to your children. Where you need the other person out of the home, a Domestic Exclusion Order can exclude them from the shared residence or part of it. Our overview of family violence and protection orders in Singapore explains what counts as family violence, who can apply and how the process runs.

Violence is not only physical. Threats, intimidation, control over money and movement, and sustained psychological pressure are real and are taken seriously, and emotional and psychological abuse sets out how it is understood and evidenced.

An order is a legal protection, not a physical one. It gives the police and the courts something to act on, and for many people it changes behaviour. It does not replace a safety plan, and the two are strongest together.

Support, and your own timing

You do not have to work this out alone. The National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline on 1800 777 0000 can talk through options, including practical questions about housing, money and children, and you can call without having decided anything. If you are struggling with your mental health, the national mental health helpline is 1771. If you are in emotional distress or having thoughts of suicide, the Samaritans of Singapore can be reached on 1767. In an emergency, always 999.

There is also help with the practical rebuilding: counselling, financial questions, housing, and support for children. Our directory of support services in Singapore is a starting point.

Finally, the part that matters most. Whether and when you leave is your decision, and there is no single right timeline. People often make several attempts before they leave for good, and that is not failure. It is how this usually goes. Every preparation you make is worth something even if you stay, because a plan you never use is not a wasted plan.

Further reading