If you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999. Leaving an abusive home when you have children is one of the hardest and most dangerous moments in any family, and it is normal to feel frightened and unsure. This guide is about doing it as safely as possible: preparing quietly, choosing your moment, getting the children out, and reaching the protection the law offers once you are away.

Nothing here asks you to confront the person hurting you, or to explain yourself to them. The safest departures are the ones the abuser does not see coming. Take from this only what fits your situation, and lean on the people and helplines that exist to help you do it.

Prepare quietly, before you go

Most people cannot leave the instant they decide to. There is usually a stretch of ordinary days first, and that is the time to prepare without drawing attention. The aim is to have the essentials ready so that when a safe moment comes, you can move.

Where you can do so without risk, gather the documents that are hardest to replace quickly:

  • The children’s papers: birth certificates, NRICs or passports, immunisation and health records, and school details such as the name of the school and any letters.
  • Your own identity documents: NRIC or passport, marriage certificate, work pass or PR documents if relevant.
  • Some cash: enough for transport and a few days, kept somewhere the abuser will not check.
  • Medication: any regular medicine for you or the children, plus prescriptions if you have them.

If taking originals is too risky, photograph or photocopy them and keep the copies with someone you trust or in a private online folder. Documents can be replaced. You cannot be. Never put yourself in danger to collect paperwork.

Plan around the ordinary rhythm of the day

The school run is one of the most useful features of a normal week, because it is a time you are expected to be out with the children and the abuser is not. Leaving during a routine that already takes you out of the house attracts far less notice than a sudden departure.

Think through the practical thread of a single day: how the children get to and from school, who else is usually around, when the home is empty, and how you would travel to a safe place. Having a quiet, worked-out route in your head matters more than a perfect plan on paper, which can itself be dangerous if found.

Telling the children, only when it is safe

Children pick up far more than adults think, and they will be anxious. But telling them about a plan to leave carries a real risk if it is done too early, because a young child may repeat it. Wait until you are leaving or have left, and keep what you say simple and suited to their age.

Small children need to hear that they are safe, that this is not their fault, and that you love them. Older children may want more, and may have complicated feelings, including toward the abuser. Let those feelings be. Do not ask a child to keep a secret that weighs on them, and never make a child feel responsible for the safety of the family. Children who have lived with violence carry it in ways that can surface later, which is why gentle, age-appropriate honesty matters, as we set out in our note on children who witness family violence.

Where to go

You do not need to have the whole future arranged before you leave. The first goal is simply a safe place for tonight and the next few days: a relative or friend the abuser cannot easily reach, or a place arranged through the helpline below. Somewhere the abuser would not immediately think to look is safer than somewhere obvious.

The National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline operates around the clock on 1800 777 0000. You can call to talk through your options, including a safe place to stay, and you do not need to have made any decision to call. If you are in danger as you leave, or the abuser follows or finds you, call the police on 999.

Digital safety as you go

Phones and accounts can give away a location or a plan. Without doing anything that would alert the abuser, be mindful that shared devices, location sharing, shared photo libraries and joint accounts can all reveal where you are. Turning off location sharing, signing out of shared accounts on the abuser’s devices where you safely can, and using a trusted friend’s phone for sensitive calls all reduce that risk. If a child’s device is linked to the abuser’s account, that can share a location too.

Consider keeping a simple, private record of what has happened: dates, what was said or done, any injuries or messages. It is not something to confront anyone with; it is quietly useful evidence if you later apply for a protection order.

Once you and the children are out of danger, the law offers protection you can ask for without waiting for a divorce. Two orders matter most at this stage.

A Personal Protection Order is an order of the Family Justice Courts restraining the abuser from using family violence against you or the children. In a more serious situation the court can grant a Domestic Exclusion Order, which keeps the abuser out of the home so you and the children can stay in it safely. You can also ask the court for interim care and control of the children so their day-to-day living arrangements are settled while everything else is worked out. The difference between legal custody and the practical question of who the children live with is explained in our guide to custody versus care and control.

Taking the children is not abduction, but get advice fast

A fear that stops many parents leaving is that removing the children will be treated as kidnapping. Taking your own children to safety, when you are their carer and you are fleeing violence, is not child abduction. Abduction is about wrongfully removing a child from someone with custody rights, and the sharpest risk arises when a child is taken out of Singapore. Because the rules are specific, and because the other parent may make allegations, get legal advice quickly so your position is clear. But do not let this fear keep you in a dangerous home. Our guide to child abduction and the law in Singapore explains where the real lines are.

Support for you and the children

Leaving is exhausting, and the weeks after are their own kind of hard. Practical safety planning, the small habits that reduce risk once you have left, is covered in our guide to safety planning after family violence. For the wider network of help, from counselling to community support, see our directory of divorce and family support services.

Look after your own state of mind too. If you are struggling to cope, the Samaritans of Singapore can be reached on 1767, and the national mental health helpline on 1771, both for emotional support at any hour. You do not have to carry this alone, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness, for you and for your children.